The year is 1955. Mrs. June Cleaver is expecting her first
baby. Her doting husband Ward Cleaver has driven his wife to the Mayfield City
Hospital and checked her into the maternity ward. June is whisked away by a
cadre of nurses, and Ward settles himself into an upholstered chair in the
special husband’s waiting room. He puffs on his pipe and reads fishing
magazines. Four hours later the obstetrician summons Ward to the recovery room
where he is presented with his new baby son, Theodore. His wife is there, too,
beaming from her hospital bed.
Fast-forward fifty years. Julia Jones is giving birth to her
first child at County General Hospital. It’s a modern hospital with a dedicated
staff, but Julia is too loaded with epidurals to care. Her husband Hank is with
her in the delivery room. He has a movie camera. He insists upon shoving the
movie camera between his wife’s legs because, as he says, he “wants to record
the birth of my first son and save it for all eternity.” He barks suggestions
to Julia (“Come on! You can do it! Push!), and positions himself in front of
the obstetrician so that he can get the best camera angle. He comments that the
birthing process looks “gross.” Then he faints.
Julia wishes that Hank had waited in the lobby.
Some guys would like to be Ward Cleaver. Some are more like
Hank Jones. How can a new mom find the happy medium?
SShould Dads be in the Delivery Room?
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In a recent article in the Daily Mail, a top British
obstetrician, Dr. Michael Odent, came out against the presence of fathers in
the delivery room. He said that:
• A woman in labor does not want to think or talk, even to
the well-meaning father.
• As the father watches his partner in labor, his release of
the stress hormone adrenaline causes her anxiety and prevents her from relaxing.
The release of adrenaline is contagious and causes the mother to become
stressed.
• After birth, a woman needs a few moments alone with her
baby, particularly between the time the child is born and she delivers the
placenta.
Guidelines for Dads
Many women are happy to share the moment with their
partners, but fathers need to be aware that it’s not about them. A father can
be useful in the delivery room if he follows a few simple guidelines:
• Be helpful to your partner. Fathers can manage
communications with medical staff and arrange room accommodations after the
birth.
• Don’t take it personally of your partner screams at you.
Suck it up, buddy—it’s just part of the process.
• Stay positioned next to your partner’s head. There’s no
need for you to gawk at the business end of the proceedings. You’ll only make
the poor mom even more self-conscious than she already is.
• If you--big tough guy--have to faint, try to do it
discreetly.
• Be nice, be polite, and be quiet. Everyone will get along
better if you do.
What’s the best answer? Every couple is different. The best
thing to do is to discuss in advance with your partner his expectations and
your needs. On delivery day, the fewer surprises the better.
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