Today the Internet is
changing the way people interact and it is having an impact on committed
relationships. People are chatting, flirting and even cheating online. The
internet permits many to live out their fantasies. They can do and say what
they cannot in real face to face encounters. This sort of behavior can destroy
relationships. To some, an online affair is just
as harmful as an offline one. Many see it as an emotional affair even if they
never meet face to face.
On the other
hand, to others it is just harmless internet chatting. They feel real emotions
can not arise by typing on a keypad. So we must ask the question: is cyber cheating really cheating?
This topic is becoming a
hot debate these days. Maybe it is time for many couples to discuss what they think is and isn't online cheating. Let us examine both perspectives.
Cyber cheating is emotional cheating
Most
women seem to feel that cyber cheating is cheating. Although it may seem
harmless, flirting via email and messages can be very destructive to a
relationship. It can be considered a betrayal. The very fact that a partner
feels the need to have regular contact with someone else in an enticing manner
is totally inappropriate. Any regular form of contact is a form of bonding as the
two chatters get to know more and more about each other.
Mary says. “I view cyber cheating the same as offline
cheating. There is an emotional involvement. It kills trust.”
“It is bad enough I have
to worry about my boyfriend every time he goes to a bar with his friends. Now I
have to worry about him flirting in chat rooms and other social networking
sites,” says Sandra.
Alice says, “My husband should devote
what little free time he has to me, not to cyber flirting.”
Most women would agree.
The consensus being that over the course of time a connection may develop
between the online cheaters. Even if they never meet in person, they are
sharing intimacies and sexual fantasies that should only be shared with their
partner.
Besides, many feel that
as their men become more entangled in the online affair, the possibilities for
offline cheating increases.
“I broke up with my
boyfriend after I caught him sending numerous emails to one particular woman,”
says Phyllis. “Although they haven’t
met, it was clear that he was planning to meet her. It got me to thinking, can
I ever trust him again?”
It is not cheating, it is just harmless flirting
Not only is the Internet
the leading edge of infidelity, it is also causing more confusion between the
sexes - apparently men and women cannot agree on what is cyber cheating.
Sam says, "I don’t see it as
cheating unless I am, you know, actually doing it."
Bill says. “Yeah, I am married and I
have a profile on Match.com.
I’ve chatted with tons of women but never met one offline. What’s the problem?”
Adam says. “I am not
doing anything wrong because I am just typing.”
When confronted about
the possibilities of developing emotional attachments, many men indicated that
more often than not, emotions are faked. Let’s face it, just because someone puts
up a smiley face doesn’t mean they are really smiling.
Point of view
It seems
that when it comes to cyber cheating, it may come down to a person’s point of
view. Partners will have to agree on what is appropriate and what is not appropriate
Internet behavior. Where as one partner might consider online flirting as
harmless fun. Others might consider this behavior just as harmful as a midnight
romp in a hotel.
Interestingly,
studies indicate that one might critic their partner's online amorous advances more severely than their own. When I do it is okay, but
when you do it is not. Anyway you chop it up, Internet flirting is a real issue. To
address this, couples should discuss what they think is and isn't online
cheating. Although
cyber cheating may seem more innocent to some, it can still ruin a
relationship.
The bottom line, if you are flirting
with someone online behind your partner’s back, you are being deceptive. If you
are honest about your online hanky-panky, and your partner is uncomfortable, insecure or outright hurtby it, maybe
you should stop. That is, if you cherish your relationship.
D.E. Boone is an award winning author. He is
the creator of most the original book of its kind,
"Legs Talk: A Modern Girl’s Dating Tale. Boone often looks
at why our field of dating is so bumpy. He
writes about life's personal challenges with a blend of sincerity,
candor and of course, humor! To learn more, visit: www.Legs-Talk.com
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