The 5 Key Essential Inner Elements Needed to Achieve an Inspired Relationship!
Forgiveness - It comes down to the age-old question - Do you want to be right…or happy? Most people in relationships are invested up the ying-yang in being right, or better yet - not being found out or discovered for having some deep character flaw. So they full court press when attacked by their partner, or fire first as a way to deflect any potential incoming launches. Forgiving your partner IS NOT a message that their behavior is okay, but that you are okay inside of yourself and can express that "not okay" experience to them without a steak knife or a gun. The biggest challenge is to forgive yourself for the larger judgments you carry around like a bad cold.
Acceptance - Don't think of it as resigning yourself to suck it up, pretend that things happen for a reason, tell yourself you wouldn't be in this relationship if there wasn't something to learn and a whole host of other valid but mental chatter. I want you to choose to be clear inside that you have created a masterpiece to date, that your current relationship is an expression of all the beliefs you have held on to and manifested with great perfection. The fact that you are unhappy, angry, resentful, and frustrated are simply signposts that tell you have done an amazing acting job in cultivating just what you've believed to be true about life, love and relationships.
Compassion - When you close your heart because you deem it not profitable or perhaps even unsafe, you're missing the point as to why you are here in the first place. There is no greater richness one can share than compassion. When you get to see your significant other through the prism of the heart, you get to see what is real not only for them but for you. And when you connect to someone not just because of their experience, but in spite of it, you have shifted the playing field to where both of you have home court advantage. The key to compassion is turning it on yourself and using this power for good not evil. If you can connect to that place inside of you and welcome yourself, doing it with your spouse or partner is a no brainer.
Trust - "He told me it was just a fling that ended before we met. Can sleeping with someone for 3 years be classified as a fling? What else is he not tell me?" Okay - so a lot of our trust issues get triggered around sex but the key here is that they are the trigger - not the bullet that is ripping through your chest and lodging itself in your heart. Bottom line - trust starts with trusting yourself; that inner knowing that your own actions, words and behaviors are in alignment. When you examine and heal your own relationship with yourself around trust, you can then see the issues that separate you and your partner are really about intimacy and the willingness to ramp up the levels of communication.
Spirit - Source, God, Allah, Buddha, The Universe -- whatever you want to refer to your connection to something larger than yourself. I'd like you to think of The Universe as the COO of your life, with you being an active and vigilant President and CEO. It is really a partnership. When you have this connection you are much freer to experience your relationship with open arms and an open heart, seeing obstacles as opportunities for greater connection and intimacy. Embracing this relationship with The Universe requires that you believe that all is good even when it seems to suck. This is paramount to the two of you getting through tough times. Otherwise the fighting will start to resemble a hostile takeover with each of you jockeying for position, righteousness, and control. How NOT FUN is that?
Mitch Newman, M.A. is The Relationship Coach. He works with couples worldwide utilizing his dynamic Scripting™ Process to help them reconnect and deepen their relationships. He is available for phone sessions and consultations and can be reached at mitch@therelationshipcoachisin.com or 310.225.2222
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