It
does not matter who we are, and what kind of dilemma we are contemplating, if
we find ourselves in an unhappy situation, we have to find a solution, things
have to change. Otherwise, if we are not careful, we will become stressed and
eventually burn out.
I
did not know how difficult it was to go through a change until I decided that I
needed to cut my hair. I had always been unhappy about: my kinky black hair. I
had to spend hours at the hairdresser trying to make it look straight.
But
even though I wanted to never set a foot at the hair dresser, I could not make
up my mind to finally cut my hair. I would tell Francoise, my hair dresser for
many years, that one day, I would find the courage to cut my hair and then deal
with a barber. “You will not find the courage to do it,” she would tell me.
“Your hair is too beautiful. You do not have the type of face to have your hair
short.” So I guess that the fear that I would not be pretty any longer kept me
from cutting it. I came to realize that a woman’s hair was deeply engrained
within her own sexuality, how she sees herself as a woman. Her hair and its
reflection on her mirror can ruin or save a day.
While
trying to solve this dilemma, I realized how difficult it was for people to
change. Whether someone has a bad habit such as smoking, or being in an abusive
relationship, or in an unfulfilling job. The fact is that we stay in those
negative situations because either we are not strong enough to do so, or we are
afraid to deal with the repercussion and the unknown.
Trying
to take the first step to change something is the most difficult. It is like
sitting on the edge of a cliff. There is a rabid dog running toward us, but we
are afraid to jump. When we look down at the ragging waters below, we don’t
know whether we are going to break our neck or we are going to go through a
rough tumble, but eventually make it safely to the other side. So we stay there
on the ledge, knowing that we cannot continue to sit still, we do have to
finally jump one moment or the other.
Jill,
the editor at Hay House called me one day to tell me that the release of my
book Menopause Made Easy was going
to be delayed for two months. “This means that you have time to cut your hair,
get another professional picture for the book cover.” That was what David told me, looking at me straight in the
eyes. David was a friend who had been working with me on many writing projects,
and had to suffer through the tantrums I had with my hairdresser.
“Don’t
be a hypocrite,” he said. “How can you teach women steps to empower themselves
when you cannot do something as simple as cutting your hair?” What are you
waiting for? Why not NOW? “
”What
did he know?” I thought with a smirk on my face. “He was a man, and a white one
to boot. What did he know about a black woman struggling with her kinky hair?”
But David daring comments did it.
How could I say no? I decided that it was time to cut my hair.
Sometimes,
making a decision to do something is not enough. The worse part is to do it.
And it was not easy. The night before I was supposed to go to Francoise’s
salon, I had a horrible nightmare. I saw myself standing in front of a mirror
after the hair cut. I was a blond
marine in a crew cut that was too long. “Cut it shorter,” yelled a voice behind
me. The next time I looked into the mirror, I had been beheaded, only my neck
standing on top of my shoulders. I awoke in a sweat.
Francoise
did not make it easy either. “I am not going to cut your hair,” she told me
bluntly. She left me standing to
attend to another costumer. “How could she do this to me? I said to myself. “A
professional photographer was coming to my house that afternoon to take the
picture for the book cover. I could not just go to any barber, I also needed
her to put a relaxer and dye the gray roots as well.”
Apparently,
the fact that it was my own hair and that I had the right to make my own
decision did not matter. While I sat in the salon fuming, I then realized why
it is so difficult for so many people to get out of a situation they do not
like. Not only do they have to deal with themselves. There were others around
them who feel that they should not change, who wanted them to stay with the
status quo for whatever reasons.
Francoise
was doing everything to keep me from cutting my hair. “I will do your hair for
free until I die.” “I will never make you wait. I will even come specially for you on my days off.”
For
a moment, I even doubt myself. What would happen if the short hair cut made me
ugly? There I was, someone who had made very difficult decisions over the
years, sometimes decisions that meant life or death. There I was, doubting of
myself for something as simple, I thought, as a hair cut. How can other people
who have not had so many positives experiences in their lives, when their
self-esteem is low, when they are afraid of a financial repercussion, be able
to make a painful step?
The
more I thought about it, the more I listened to Francoise, the more self-doubt
I had. Then suddenly, it was like I came into my senses. I had been unhappy for
years. “You are going to regret it,” she said.
When
the scissors started to cut, it was a physical pain, like my right arm was
being cut off. The more she cut my hair, the more I felt that part of me was
being cut off too. It was a horrible, physical and mental experience.
When
it was over, I was shocked to see my new look. Then came the acceptance. From
now on, it was the way I was going to look. No more hours waiting, fighting
with Francoise. No more hair dryers.
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